You put your arm where?!

Up.

Or in.

Depends on what needs to be done.

This week was a week of AI (artificial insemination). AI weeks are hectic and fun. We do new things and meet new people and we can kinda slack off on all the usual routine because there are more important and expensive things to do. Plus, there are really important people to impress so everyone has to be nice, which is...nice. If you can't tell by my impressive use of vocabulary, I am completely worn out.

Tava was the victim this time. She's been inseminated 7 or 8 times with no results. Tava's birthcontrol is sheer stubbornness. She just refuses to get pregnant. I would too if I had to be preggers for 2 years and squeeze out something that weighs 300 lbs. Anyway, we get a shot at this every 3 months, and we can inseminate for 3 days in a row providing we can get samples from the male donors on the right days. Sometimes they get shy and won't give a sample, or it gets urine in it, or like this week, fedex loses it. In those cases, we have a small supply of frozen semen to use as a last resort. There have only been 2 or 3 successful births using frozen.

Here's what the days are like:

Get to work around 6 or 7, take blood. Run the ELISA test to see if Tava's LH (lutenizing hormone) has peaked. Test will be done in 3 hours. In the meantime, do an enema (I only had to do one of these this week because I hurt my wrist and they needed to preserve my magic fingers for the more glamorous task). Then Doc does a rectal ultrasound to get a look at the ovaries and confirm ovulation. Then we have to clean the yard and take care of all the other elephants. If we have time, we bring a couple of them in for enemas, ultrasounds, and reproductive assessments. Turns out Bertie Mae cycles the same time Tava does. We may get to kill two birds next time. Then more blood and more testing. Then I take a urine sample. About 2 liters. I test pH and put it in special little containers to be sent all over for different studies, and to the facilities who provide us with semen to give their bulls something aromatic to promote the speedy production of said samples. Now we bathe all the other elephants and take them for a quick walk. Then we wait. 7, 8, 9 o'clock in the PM, fedex comes with the goods. Or they should. They didn't this time, so we had to wait until the next morning. Next morning, Tava is bathed, standing on pedestals, waiting for my invasive maneuvers.

I glove-up with special surgical gear, lube-up with Lubri-vet brand lubricant which comes in a gallon container with a pump (everyone who gets married while working with elephants gets one of these as a wedding present), and go in for the kill. Basically, I have to stand underneath the 8,800 lb animal, stick my arm all the way up a very sensitive place, and hope I don't make a wrong turn and upset her. Next I put a tube up, guide the endescope through, and hold everything in place while Doc finds the spot and injects the semen.

My part is really not too technical, I just have to be able to read her behavior and communicate with the trainer who is working her. But it's so much fun after the procedure when everyone is patting eachother on the back and congratulating. I always get a 'great job Nora!' from Dr. Schmitt. He is a world-famous elephant specialist, and he acts like I did all the hard work. Darcey got to go to India with him. I want to do that someday.

Anyway, we only inseminated twice this week, but the preparations on all of the other days were pretty exhausting too. In three months we will know if it worked. In two years we may have 300 lbs of energy with floppy ears and an awkward trunk running around and throwing manure. I really hope so.